begin in the middle

I've forgotten much already, so I better commence to putting some of it down. It's been suggested by my therapists as a way to see my progress when I have times of feeling like I'm not making enough.So here I begin.



I had a major stroke 5 months ago at the age of 47. I like to call it a 'brain event' or brain attack', because the word 'stroke' makes me feel sorry for myself, and I hate that feeling more than I can express here.It was a clot in the right main cerebral artery. It was about 8 hours until I was found and taken to the hospital, alert and calm. I'll go more into the string of events another time.

In the span of 24 hours, I went from a fully functional adult woman, working out in the gym, to a Hematologic, dependent, vulnerable, and clueless about the damage my brain had just received. My husband was thrust into the role of caregiver, and decision maker, my 24 year old daughter yanked from her lifelong spot of having an invincible mother, into a place of fear.The world has tilted slightly and I am literally and figuratively struggling to find my balance in these new surroundings.



My current physical progress : I am using a cane at home, at rehab, to go distances to get to an electric cart for shopping. I'm starting to walk independently without the cane at home. I touch the wall or whatever for balance. It's a lack of confidence about my balance and strength on my left side, and rightly so. My arm has range of motion and all the muscles are capable of moving, but I don't use it much. My shoulder is still a bit subluxed and painful. I have developed swelling in my hand for reasons unknown. MY OT, Katie, is concerned and tells me to try to use it more. I can't wear the compression glove she gave me because of a rash it exacerbates on that hand from sweat/moisture. Hello Joseph Heller. I have found I can sit on my left hip now, on the couch. After 5 months of having to sit in one position. this is a relief. I'm hoping I'll be able to sleep on my left side in the not too distant future, as well. Still too painful at this point.



What an absolutely shitty spellchecker this blog has. :( I digress, but hey, it's my show.



cognitively, I've fared ok. I have left neglect that is and has improved. I'm the high-end mental function according to my SP. I do have a problem with tedious tasks. I'm getting better about them though, My deduction skills aren't as sharp as the were. I think I'll be back to my best again, down the road. right now my physical function has top priority for me. Oh, and I lost my singing voice. My diaphragm/breathing isn't coordinated now. I need to relearn to use the muscles.; like bellows sending the air over my vocal cords. I miss my singing. It made me feel better all my life and now when I most need it, it's been taken. boo strokes...

And that's enough for now. G'night Forrest.