Hello again, it's me.

My strokes year anniversary came and went. I noted it silently. I'm not where I hoped or thought I would be in recovery. The Drs and therapists tell you nothing about your recovery rate except optimism. I understand this ... but ... I would have preferred more honesty. Here is what I would have told me: 'We don't know how long it will take for you to recover. Your stroke was very severe and there was a lot of damage. The good news is that we know now that as long as you continue to work at recovering your function; there is no end to what you can regain.' Yeah,maybe that would have worked for me. Straight with hope. It would have saved me disappointing myself with every goal I missed.

where I am at now. I have recently given up my foot/ankle brace. The therapists would prefer I wear it. It does make me walk better. I ditched it since I have enough foot lift to not be a danger to myself. I do have a more awkward gait without it. A hike and a swing rather than a step. Wearing the brace wasn't exercising the muscles that I need stronger to walk unaided. It felt like my foot was a lead weight at the end of a rope which I would swing forward. Without the brace, I have some sense of my ankle moving and my hip abductor working harder to get strong again. My foot feels more involved as well. I will still wear the brace If I'm going for a long outing such as the museum with a lot of walking. I expend much more energy without the brace. The fluid mechanics of walking upright is a beautiful thing. At 1.2 MPH, we reach a normal gait and conserve energy. You can't learn about stroke recovery and physical therapy without marveling at the evolution of the human body. The interconnectedness of all our muscles really is apparent when you are trying to learn to walk again.

but on with an update. I had a few bumps in the road. Had a grand mal seizure at the rehab gym in August 2010. Due to their insurance concerns, I was unable to go to the gym for a couple months until it was cleared through my neurologist. It too me a couple months to catch back up to where I'd been at. I'm fairly stable walking now, although winter ice is a whole other challenge that really messes with my independence and confidence. A few more months of winter and then it's easier outings again.
I'm still working on going up and down a curb or stairs without a rail or point of balance. It'll come. I'm hoping to be able to walk my neighborhood this summer, curbs, driveways and hills. I'd be happy with a mile on that terrain. Currently, I'm only walking 1/4 mile on the treadmill without the brace. I was walking 1 mile with the brace. Hopefully 5-6 more months will be long enough to develop the strength and stamina I need for that goal.Last summer I tried to walk about 1/4 of a mile in my neighborhood. It took me an hour and a young man asked if he could drive me home. I was moving so badly he was concerned. This summer I hoped to look merely fucked up and not critical.

I'm bored with this stroke business. I'd rather be learning something else. I go to a stroke support group once a month. Now there's some stories. One thing amuses me though. I have this line that runs through my head." The first rule of stroke club is; don't talk about stroke club." Ok, so it's just me being amused by that.